My journey to motherhood began the moment I understood that little girls could be Mommies, too…even if it was to a bald, raggedy Cabbage Patch doll. My instinctual drive to mother was sharpened throughout childhood, and I “blessed” my younger brother with the opportunity to have two mom’s.
Life moved along and I married the man of my dreams, but we had a lot to learn about being husband and wife before we could be daddy and mommy. Finally, four years into marriage we had the “talk,” basically the adult edition of the “birds and the bees.” We decided to start trying to have a family. I knew this path was going to be a long one and most likely a bit rocky because I had battled amenorrhea since my mid-teens. I began test after test to see what was going on, and my dream of being a mother appeared to be getting further and further away. Much to my relief the tests declared that I had all working parts, but they weren’t talking to each other. I tried acupuncture and herbs for 2 years to see if I could get the boys and girls at my grade school dance of a body to start chatting. I only had a few months of success, but nothing consistent enough to conceive. I also was diagnosed with hypothyroidism along the way, which didn’t help my chances.
I was finally diagnosed with a luteal phase deficiency; I was happy to have an answer because that meant we had a treatment. They got Aunt Flow back on a visitation cycle, and I began tracking anything and everything from my sleeping patterns to my morning temperatures. Unfortunately, still no “O.” We had to bring in the big dogs, or bigger. We decided to try Letrozole, which is a “kinder” version of Clomid. We took that for one cycle with still no ovulation. The doc encouraged me to take it up a notch and try injections. At this point, we were 18 months into this process and I was ready. They created a regimen using Letrozole, Follistim and Ovidrel that did the trick! I finally ovulated! Since so much time, effort and honestly money went into this cycle we wanted to see that Big Fat Positive, so we also decided to pursue IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). My husband’s gold medal swimmers came to the party washed and ready to mingle. From previous ultrasounds preceding the IUI, it was suspected that I would definitely have two follies (follicles).
Then, began the two-week wait. Patience truly is a virtue and you get the opportunity to exercise it for all 14 days. I hopped out of bed and tore open the wrapper of that pregnancy test on day 14, did my business and guess what? I had to wait 3 more minutes! But, sure enough after those 180 seconds, I saw the smiley face that I had been waiting for. We were pregnant!
The games had begun, and now I was front row and center to the action. I’m fairly certain I checked off every symptom of pregnancy within those first 4 weeks. I’m starting this blog during week 7 and I’m knee-deep into “morning” sickness and green as can be. But I couldn’t be more excited!
The next check-point was at our first ultrasound to see what was causing all of this raucous. We were greeted by not one, not two, not even three, but five beating hearts at our 7-week check-up. It looks like my body donated a few more follies than suspected. Those that have been in this position know the next words out of your doctor’s mouth are not, “Congratulations!” But, instead, “we need to have a conversation about selective reduction.” I, honestly, in my wildest dreams never thought that following the moment that I witnessed the gift of life, someone would be asking to take it away. The doc then began handing over research article after article on the dangers of not reducing and my husband and I were quickly referred to the high risk clinic.
So, this is where we stand today. We have our visit all lined up at the high risk clinic, and I am happy to hear both sides of the story, but I have made up my mind. I have been part of a miracle and I consider each one of the five bundles of joy in my belly to be a blessing from heaven. I will be faithful to the gift of life and preserve it any way that I can.
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.