This past Monday afternoon, Frank and I had our first 2nd trimester cervical screen where they measure the length of your cervix. I approached the appointment with minimal apprehension, assuming all would be well.
Our ultrasound technician surprised us with another peek at our little ones, and all was well. Everyone continues to have strong heart beats and are growing appropriately. They also have nestled into their locations, which makes identifying babies much easier for the trained eye. To me, it just looks like a big slumber party.
After we got to check-in on our little miracles they performed a trans-vaginal ultrasound to examine my cervix. The tech’s tone at this point completely changed. She measured it at least ten times and would not relay any information. Frank and I had no idea what was ahead, but we got a sense when we were walked down the hall to what was clearly a “bad news room” that that is what awaited us.
We just looked at each other as we waited for the doctor to come and see us, trying to figure out what was so wrong. When the doctor arrived he relayed that my cervix was 1.2 to 1.6cm in length, where ideally it would be greater than 3cm at 19 weeks into pregnancy, or at least 2.5cm. He then informed us that pre-term labor was inevitable within the next 3-4 weeks and there was nothing we could do about it. I inquired about bed rest, medications, inversion and cerclage (the stitching of the cervix); he said there was nothing we could do to help, nothing. Then, the tears started to flow, and flow, and flow for the next 2 days… Until!
Until, I was praying on Wednesday morning asking for clarity and that my mind would quiet so, I could hear His still small voice granting me direction. The thought of simply being a ticking time bomb awaiting an ugly delivery was angering and fearful. Then, I remembered that His perfect love casts out all fear and that I needed to rely on His love which has been with us since day one of this journey. I calmed down and realized that we were not helpless, we definitely still had several choices.
I then hopped on Facebook and extended a question to my other momma’s of multiples and the answer was clear: We needed to switch doctors, get a cerclage and consider moving to Arizona. As scary as all of that may sound to someone who does not enjoy being away from her husband and family, traveling, or being awake during surgical procedures (aka me), I was at complete peace. I picked up the phone and called the best high order perinatalogist in the country.
He continued to build upon this renewed optimism, but also made it clear that time was our enemy and if we were going to save our pregnancy it needed to happen by Friday, or in 2 days. So, one door opened after another and I am now writing this post from a hospital bed in Mesa, Arizona awaiting my cerclage in 3 hours.
My devotional this morning read:
“8 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country…11 And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she[a] considered him faithful who had made the promise.” (Hebrews 11:8-9, 11)
I am certainly in a place that recognize as an inheritance from God. It is a promised land filled with proactive, compassionate physicians and kind, optimistic nurses. Though I am of childbearing age, I was enabled to bear children only by his grace. This assurance of faith and God’s love has certainly restored our hope here in the Valley of the Sun.